Keeping Secrets
by Agent Manchester
Summary: Scully gets caught up in her paternal instincts and makes a rash decision effecting both her working and private life


DISCLAIMER: I didn't create the X-files or any of the characters there on in. All rights belong to Fox, Ten-thirteen and Chris Carter. Special mentions to the cast for their wonderful portrayal of the characters, without which I'd have zero inspiration, no infringement intended. Also, I didn't write the song 'How do I live', all rights belong to Trisha Yearwood and those who helped her with the song.  
  
  
  
Keeping Secrets  
  
FBI Headquarters Friday 5:30pm  
  
The room was stuffy, hot and uncomfortable. It was mid summer and being below the building in the basement was supposed to keep them cool, but Scully had an idea that they were being told a whole lot of cobswobble. Her partner, Fox Mulder sat at his desk, flipping through a file that had been there for a month, maybe even longer. She sat at her own desk, staring at a phone number jotted down on her legal pad. Every so often she'd reach for the phone, but then pull her hand back.  
  
"Do you want to call someone Scully?", Mulder said after her 6th attempt to pick up the phone.  
  
"Ah, no.no, it's okay".  
  
"Then why on earth do you keep going to pick up the phone?".  
  
"No reason, just bored, that's all", she replied.  
  
"That's a first, Agent Scully bored at work", he mused.  
  
"Have you got a problem with that?" she asked.  
  
"Not at all, you just seem restless, is something on your mind? Are you expecting the phone to ring?".  
  
"No, look, just drop it okay?", she snapped.  
  
He looked at her strangely, something was up. "I'm going to go and get some coffee, you want some?", he asked as he stood up from his seat and walked to the door.  
  
She shook her head. She watched him leave, then without thinking, she picked up the phone and dialed the number in front of her. After three rings, someone answered.  
  
"Hello, Richard Wilson's office, how may I help you?".  
  
"Hello, ah.my name is Dana Scully, I was wondering if I could speak to Mr. Wilson".  
  
"Miss Scully, I know how eager you are to find out how you went, but at this point in time, I don't know anything, and I doubt Mr. Wilson does either".  
  
"I still want to speak to him. Please, you don't understand how this makes me feel".  
  
"I understand completely, if you want to talk to him that badly, I'll put you through, hold on will you?".  
  
Scully sat at her seat, tapping her pen. After a minute or so, the line picked up.  
  
"Miss Scully, what can I do for you?", a man asked.  
  
"I want to know if there has been any news, anything at all". She heard the man sigh.  
  
"You seem nervous about this, how about I meet you somewhere in about 20 minutes, we can talk".  
  
"Okay, where?".  
  
"How about you meet me at Manic's Café on 47th".  
  
"Sure, Manic's on 47th, I'll see you there". She hung up the phone and picked up her briefcase. Mulder came in the office with his coffee.  
  
"Hey, Scully where you going?".  
  
"I've finished work for today, I'll see you tomorrow", she called as she left the office.  
  
"But it's only 5:30, Scully where...". It was no good, she was gone before he finished. He walked over to his desk and sat down, this was the third night in a row where she had left work earlier than usual. It worried him, normally she would stay with him no matter how late it got, but in the past week there had been many evenings he'd worked alone, the same had happened at several lunch times, she would disappear for an hour or so. He wished she would tell him if something were wrong. Maybe it was nothing, maybe he was just being protective, but he thought he deserved the right to know what was going on. He wondered if she was sick, or if a family member was sick, but with each scenario he came up with it all led back to the fact that she was normally very open with him, what would make this time any different?  
  
-----------------  
  
Manic's Café Friday 5:56pm  
  
Although it was almost 6 o'clock, the café was rather crowded. Dana Scully sat anxiously at her table, the cup of coffee that sat in front of her was cold, she hadn't touched it. Again she looked at her watch, where was he? Then out of the crowd he came. His tall, dark figure came towards her. Richard Wilson was in his forties, never married, no kids, but he was a business man, a business she was interested in, well, she could benefit from it, that's what mattered. Richard ran a child adoption agency. Two weeks earlier, Scully had applied for adoption permission but so far she had no idea what was going on, he told her nothing.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm late", he apologised as he sat down, "the traffic was horrendous. Before we get to business, how are you doing Miss Scully?".  
  
"I'm okay, I think I'm getting things under control, but this whole thing, it's worrying me immensely".  
  
"I understand that", he began as he motioned for a waitress to come over, "but we cannot rush these things. Adoption is a very serious thing to commit to". He stopped, the waitress had arrived. "Yeah, I'll have a black coffee, no sugar". He looked at Scully, "you want another, I see yours has gone cold".  
  
"Scully nodded, "ah, yes, thank-you".  
  
"Make that two", he said. The waitress left. "Now, where were we? Yes, adoption is a full time occupation, they may see your application and see that you work for the FBI and decide that your job is too time consuming".  
  
"Mr. Wilson..".  
  
"Please, call me Richard", he interrupted.  
  
"Richard. I don't think you, or anyone else for that matter, knows how badly I want a child. If having one means I can no longer work for the FBI, then so be it".  
  
"Miss Scully I can see that, but if that were so, you need to have some kind of income, you cannot support a child any other way". He saw the distressed look on her face, "but I think your chances are good. For starters, you are a doctor therefor you have some idea in the well being of the child, you have your own home and car. If by any chance they knock you back, I'm going to do all I can to find out why".  
  
"Thank you, I really appreciate that", she replied.  
  
"Now, another thing. Have you spoken to your partner about all this, have you asked him how he'd feel about this? Does he even know, did you tell him?".  
  
Scully shook her head, "No, I haven't told him yet, but I do know he'll support me all the way".  
  
"Dana, you need to tell him, he is a part of this too".  
  
She just looked at him. He seemed at ease using her first name. "He really has no say in the matter".  
  
"That's where you are wrong. He does, maybe not a great deal, but he does count. If you leave the FBI he is one of the people who will be affected. Now you've told me nothing is between you and him, but I get the impression that you two are close, don't you think he needs to know?"  
  
"I honestly don't know, he just doesn't.I don't think he'll see things the way I do".  
  
"We are jumping ahead here, why don't we leave all this until we get a final decision, I can see this is unsettling to you. Would you like some dinner, are you hungry?", he asked.  
  
"No, I'm fine, the coffee will do", she replied politely.  
  
FBI Headquarters Saturday 11am  
  
Scully had stayed talking to Richard until 8:15 the night before, they didn't talk about anything in particular, just general conversation. She had arrived home to find a message from Mulder, he said he was going to be late into work the next day, he didn't say why. All through the night she had dreams of children, her children. In her dreams she was married, to whom she didn't know, but she wore a wedding ring, and in her home were three children. In a weird kind of way, she found herself wishing those dreams were true. She began to think about things, about marriage, about having children to call her own. How she'd have a home and a husband to go home to.  
  
"Hey, Scully, how are you on this fine Saturday morning?", Mulder asked as he came in to the office.  
  
"I'm fine Mulder, how are you?".  
  
"Just dandy thanks. Did I miss anything important this morning?".  
  
"Yeah, we had a group meeting, Muir got us all in the cafeteria area, it was the only place big enough for us all. Anyway, it seems FBI Ball time has come around again, and this year, something new is on the agenda".  
  
"Really? Like what?".  
  
"Well, it's a fancy dress night".  
  
"Wow, sounds fun", he said as he sat down, "what you going as?".  
  
"I don't know Mulder, not until I get told".  
  
"What?".  
  
Scully sat up straight. "This year, they decide what we wear. At 1pm this afternoon, we all need to be back in the cafeteria, they'll hand around a bucket full of keys. Each of us takes a key, and that's all I know".  
  
"Oh, so we have to go find where the key fits? And how exactly is that going to help us work out what we're wearing, are they keys to a dress-up shop?".  
  
"Who knows". She had gone back to the report she was writing. She knew he was watching her, he had done that a lot lately, watched her.  
  
"So..are you going to ask where I've been this morning?".  
  
"Nope, that's your business".  
  
He just looked at her. Something was definitely up. "Can I ask you something Scully?".  
  
"Shoot", she said without looking up.  
  
"Is everything okay, like at home and stuff?".  
  
That made her look up. "What gives you that idea?"  
  
"Oh, you just haven't been yourself lately. I just thought you had other things on your mind, and I was wondering if you wanted to share them".  
  
"I didn't know you cared Mulder".  
  
"Scully, I care a lot, very much indeed".  
  
She had no idea what to say and she wasn't ready to give him her adoption issue. "No, everything's fine", she replied as she went back to her work.  
  
"If you say so". Again he watched her work, then he focused back on his own report.  
  
1pm that afternoon FBI Headquarters  
  
"Okay, can I have some silence", Carly Muir called. The cafeteria was jam packed with agents, all who were eager to know the finer details about the ball. "Now the ball is in one weeks time, yes it's a Saturday night, I know, but it's better than a Sunday night".  
  
"Tell us about our costumes, what are we supposed to wear?", one Agent called.  
  
"I'm getting to that, I'm getting to that. A bucket will come around. In the bucket are envelopes, in each envelope is a key and an address. Each address has a location for a locker of some kind. In that locker is an outfit. Now you will notice each envelope has a number on it. Before you leave, there is a list by the door, next to your name you write the number. I know where each costume is and what number it is, so there is no number swapping. I know not all of you like coming to this ball, so this year there is a catch. You either come to the ball wearing your costume, or you can wear it to work one day, it's up to you".  
  
The room broke out in whispers, then from the back came: "What sort of costumes are they?".  
  
"Well", Muir began, "there is a wide variety of costumes, which means some of you guys out there may end up wearing dresses and heels".  
  
That caused even more commotion. This was going to be one hell of a ball if the guys turned up in dresses.  
  
"Now I know the Ball draws much media attention, so in order to let the FBI keep some of it's dignity, we're going to make this a charity event. Many of the major companies in D.C are prepared to donate some money if we all turn up in our costumes, the less people that come, the less money we get".  
  
On the left-hand side of the room sat Mulder and Scully. "Sounds fun Scully", Mulder mused.  
  
"It does, doesn't it", she replied.  
  
Mulder stood up, "Who do we bring as our partner?", he asked.  
  
"Well, anyone you want to. It can be a member of the public, they get to come in normal clothes. The question is, are they prepared to come to the party with you the way you'll be dressed?". A silence settled across the room. Muir smiled to herself, this was going to be fun. From the room came the chirping of a cell phone.  
  
Scully stood, red with embarrassment, "excuse me", she said. She left the room and stood in the hall. "Hello?".  
  
"Agent Scully, it's Richard Wilson", the voice said.  
  
"Oh, what's going on?".  
  
"The final decision will be made on Monday at 10am, what I want you to do is go to work, I'll give you a call as soon as I find out what's going to happen. I don't want you here worrying".  
  
"But I want to be there, I want to know what they'll say about me".  
  
"Dana, it's not a place for you to be, like I said, I'll call you as soon as I find out. Will I be able to get you on your office phone?".  
  
"Yes, I'll be there, is that all?".  
  
"Yes that's all".  
  
"Okay then, I guess I'll hear from you when I do".  
  
"Oh Dana?".  
  
She looked up, Mulder had come out of the cafeteria. "Yes?", she said into her phone.  
  
"Can I take you out to dinner tonight?".  
  
Scully was silent, she looked at Mulder and wished he hadn't have come out. She and Richard had become close in the past weeks, they were even on first name basis, and now he wanted to take her out to dinner. She turned her back to Mulder and walked down the hall a little before answering. "Um, okay.what time?".  
  
"Is eight all right with you? I have a meeting at six, I should be done by seven thirty and then I'll come to your place and get you".  
  
Scully smiled to herself, "T-that's fine, I'll see you then, bye". She hung up and walked back to Mulder.  
  
"So.", he said.  
  
"What?", she snapped.  
  
"Is everything okay?", he asked.  
  
"Yeah, it's just my mom, she wants to know when I'm coming to visit her". She hoped that worked, "What number key did you get?".  
  
"Number 11213, lucky me", he mused. "And I got you one as well, number 16249", he said as he handed her the envelope containing the key. He noticed her smile at it. "What?", he asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing", she replied. The number of the key was the last sequence of numbers in the number that she had to contact Richard, was it just a coincidence?  
  
"So partner, shall we go back to our humble office?", Mulder suggested.  
  
"No, how about we go get some lunch, I'll pay. I think I could even handle a hamburger today", she replied.  
  
He just looked at her, bewildered.  
  
FBI Headquarters Monday 9:43am  
  
Her Saturday night dinner with Richard had gone extremely well. He arrived just after 8pm wearing a dinner suit and possessing a bunch of roses. She thought this was a bit rushed, but it had been a long time since someone had brought her roses, so she accepted them with open arms. They dined at Lord Sherries, a rather expensive restaurant on the south side of DC There they talked about work and about life, and about things that always seemed to go wrong. He made her feel special, he listened to everything she said, he didn't laugh at her and he didn't scowl. She didn't know when she'd see him next, but he was due to call that morning in regards to her adoption application.  
  
On Sunday afternoon, Scully had gone to pick up her costume. The key she held opened a locker in the D.C Aquatic Center, and she got a shock when she opened the bag that it contained. In it was a pink panther suit, in her size. Scully had never liked pink; it made her think of fairy floss. Which made her think of children.  
  
"Hey Scully, how was your weekend?" Mulder asked. He was wearing a hideous blue and green tie.  
  
"Where on earth did you get that tie Mulder, it's making me seasick".  
  
"Never mind the tie, how was your weekend? Did you pick up your costume?"  
  
"My weekend was fine, and yes, I did pick up my costume. Did you get yours?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes I did. I might have to start practicing my girlie scream Scully".  
  
"What do you mean practice? It's already at its high peak", she laughed, "so I take it you're one of the guys that has to wear a dress, hope you've shaved your legs".  
  
"And what are you going as?"  
  
"None of your business, but I can assure you, at least my face won't be seen", she mused. The phone on her desk rang; she jumped out of her skin. Should she answer it? Was it going to be good or bad news?  
  
Mulder noticed her change of mood, he somehow knew she was expecting the call.  
  
Scully picked up the phone, "hello?" she squeaked.  
  
"Dana it's Richard, we've just finished".  
  
"And..." she prompted.  
  
"I have a lot to explain, but I assure you, we're doing everything we can".  
  
Dread ran through her, the application had been rejected. After all this time, only to come to a dead-end. "Well, explain away, I'm in no hurry". She saw Mulder looking at her so she turned her side to him.  
  
"I want to explain it to you but not now, I'm due elsewhere, but can I explain myself over dinner? It'll be less formal this time, more relaxed".  
  
She smiled, and Mulder saw it. "Is this just an excuse to see me?"  
  
"It may very well be, can't keep nothing from you can I? So will you join me for dinner?"  
  
"Okay, that'd be nice, when?" she asked.  
  
"My place, tonight at seven thirty, is that okay with you?"  
  
Scully hesitated for a moment, leaving a pause in the conversation.  
  
"I mean, if you don't want to come to my place, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, we can."  
  
"No, that's fine. I'm going to need an address, or else you'll be eating alone".  
  
"You got a pen and paper handy?"  
  
"Yeah", she said as she picked up a pen and brought her legal pad closer, "shoot".  
  
"Apartment 123, it's the corner of 47th and Georgeson. I'm on the fifth floor".  
  
She put down the pen; "I'll see you then". Scully put down the phone. The whole time Mulder had been watching her, every move she made, he saw every expression.  
  
"Your mother?" he asked.  
  
"Ah...Yeah, yeah she wants to see me tonight, she wants to talk".  
  
"Everything okay?"  
  
"Yep, it's fine", she replied as she opened up a file that was on her desk. When the phone rang a second time, she let Mulder answer it on his extension.  
  
"Hey Mulder, what's up?" the voice said.  
  
"I wondered how you guys were, what you been up to?" Mulder replied. He was speaking to Frohike, one of the Lone Gunmen.  
  
"Aw not a lot, but a little birdie told us about the ball on Friday night, and we know what you are going as. I do hope you've shaved, otherwise it won't be a pretty sight", Frohike teased.  
  
"How on earth did you guy know about that?"  
  
"Oh, let's just say Big Boss Muir isn't very smart, she did this whole thing on computer. I can get access to anyone's account, even hers. I must say, I've never seen you in a dress, I'll be sure to come and watch", he mused.  
  
"Frohike, don't you dare tell a soul". He noticed the look of amusement on Scully's face.  
  
"What's in it for me?"  
  
"Anything you want, I'll get it".  
  
"How about an invitation to this ball, for the three of us, get us in as the DJ's or something. If you do that, I won't tell a soul, and I'll tell you what Scully is going as".  
  
"Invitation to the ball, for the three of you? I don't know if I can do that. But I'll try.can't you just give me a clue as to what she's going as?" he whined.  
  
"Well put it this way Mulder, Langly used to watch the show everyday. He'd never miss it. You figure out what show it is, and you have who she's going as".  
  
"What show? He liked heaps of shows, can't you." He paused and thought for a moment. Langly liked a lot of shows, but there was only one that was on everyday. "Frohike, you've got to be kidding me? Seriously, she can't be going as the Pink Panther". But he didn't need Frohike's reply to know if it were true, because the second the pink panther was mentioned, Scully's head shot up. "You know what pal, I owe you one", then he hung up the phone and looked across at Scully. She said nothing. "I never knew your color was pink, I'd never have guessed in a million years. So tell me, are you going to bring along some fairy floss for us to eat?" he laughed.  
  
Her face dropped. Pink. Fairy Floss. Children. "No, I'm not!" she cried. She rose from her desk and fled the office, the door slamming behind her.  
  
Richard's Apartment Monday 8:43pm  
  
"And then things went wrong, I yelled at him and left. I know he didn't mean it, he doesn't know what goes on in my head. I felt so bad, but I couldn't go back", Scully sobbed. She was sitting on Richard's couch, he was next to her trying to comfort her.  
  
"Dana, I know this has been a hard time for you, I can understand that. Now like I said, I'm going to do all I can to get this sorted out, I can see it is affecting not only you, but others as well. I can't make the decisions, but they tell me your job was what it all boiled down to. Everything else was fine".  
  
"I told you, I'll give up my job if I have to".  
  
He looked at her, "that's a big thing to do, it's a drastic change to make. Are you sure you're willing to do that?"  
  
"I want a child Richard, I cannot have my own, therefore I'll give anything to have someone else's. If quitting my job is what it takes, then so be it".  
  
"All right, if that's what you want to do. But before you go resigning, we should have a trial run. I'll get you to take two days of work, during those two days, I'll arrange for a child to come and stay with you. If things work out, then we'll go ahead with the adoption process, then you'll have to quit your job. And I do hope you've consulted your partner about this, I think he'd like to know".  
  
"You make it sound as if he and I are married, we are not, therefore he shouldn't need to be told", she replied. In the silence, the open fire burned and cars passed in the street. "Richard, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Anything you want", he answered.  
  
"On Friday night, I have the FBI Ball to go to, we need to go with a partner and it can be a member of the public. I was wondering if you'd come with me".  
  
He smiled at her, "sure, I'd be honored".  
  
"But there's something else. Because it's a charity event, I need to dress up in a costume. You can go in formal wear; you don't need to dress up. The problem is my costume".  
  
"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to end up embarrassed? You my dear Dana are sly, you tell me this after I agree to go with you", he laughed.  
  
"I need to go as the pink panther".  
  
"You're kidding?"  
  
She shook her head, "no I'm not, I hope you'll still come".  
  
He took her hand, "of course I will".  
  
------------------  
  
Scully Residence Monday 9:31pm  
  
The car pulled to a halt beside the curb. Mulder exited his car and walked up to the front door, knocking hard. In thirty seconds the door opened and Margaret Scully stood in its wake. "Fox, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to see Scully".  
  
'She's not here, what made you assume she was here?"  
  
"Because she said today that you wanted to talk to her, she said she was coming over to see you".  
  
"Oh dear, I haven't seen her, you better come in", she said as she stood to one side and let the agent in. He followed her into the lounge, "would you like something to drink?"  
  
"No, I'm fine thank you", he replied. The woman sat down. "Has Scully spoken to you lately?"  
  
"Not for about three weeks, she said she was going to be busy. Why?"  
  
"Because lately she's not been herself. She snaps at the smallest things, now I know I'm not the easiest person to work with, but that's not the point. She's been leaving work at 5pm, which is highly unusual and has been disappearing at lunch times as well. I've also noticed that in the past four days, much of her attention has been focused on the phone. I'm just beginning to worry about her"  
  
"I had no idea that all this was happening, I really don't know what to say".  
  
"There's more. Today, after she left, I found this in her desk". He handed Mrs. Scully an envelope, "it contains a letter of resignation, she wants to leave the FBI. It doesn't specify why, it only claims the matter is a personal one and she wishes not to talk about it. I thought I knew her, she confided in me when things were wrong, but now, I feel as though she has become a stranger".  
  
Margaret Scully looked at the letter. "I can't imagine why she wants to leave. There are no family problems that I know of, she seems happy, this is very disturbing to hear. I only wish I knew what to say to you Fox".  
  
"Don't say anything, because there is nothing to be said, I guess Scully has something to deal with, and I guess she wants to do it alone".  
  
"Maybe you're right, she's always been so strong", Margaret replied.  
  
"Will you call her for me? Just see if she'll talk to you?".  
  
"I'll do that for you, and I'll do it for me as well".  
  
FBI Headquarters Thursday 2:15pm  
  
Mulder paced up and down the office, this was the second day Scully hadn't come to work, and it was the second day that she had ignored his calls and messages. He'd called her mother twice, and each time she gave him the same reply, 'she won't answer her phone', and it was that answer that had made him worry. Which was why he had gone to her apartment during his lunch break. When he arrived he found a very confusing situation, one that still had him baffled. He remembered getting out of the car and knocking on her door. She had answered, she didn't look sick, but she did look tired. She merely told him she was not feeling her best, but that she'd be back at work again tomorrow. When she closed the door, he could have sworn he heard a young child cry.  
  
When he got back to his car, he gave Mrs. Scully a call.  
  
"A young child, she has a young child at her home? How on earth did she get it?", was what Mrs. Scully had said. He couldn't answer her, because he didn't know himself.  
  
Back in his office at headquarters, he had called the Gunmen to see what they could find out, and so far, he'd heard nothing from them. He'd decided he needed some coffee, and while in the coffee room, Agent Stone came in. "Hey Stone, how you going?", he asked.  
  
"Ah could be better, but hey, that's just the way life is. How are you?".  
  
"I'm fine, but it's Agent Scully I'm worried about, she's not been at work the past two days".  
  
"No, she's fine. She's just been looking after a kid, she want's to adopt it, but there are complications".  
  
"What? She's going to adopt?".  
  
"Yeah my brother-in-law, Richard Wilson, he's got an adoption agency going. She called him about two weeks ago. She applied for adoption permission, but she was knocked back because of her job. He told me she was willing to quit her job here with the FBI, but he said she should give it a trial before she commits to anything. So that's exactly what's been going on, today and yesterday she's been looking after a child, like on rental. He tells me she's doing well, but he says her chances aren't improving. Reckons she's good with the well fare and stuff, but she's hopeless with the child's play and eating patterns. Says he feels sorry for her".  
  
"Your brother-in-law told you all this?".  
  
"Yep, every word. Anyway, who you taking to the ball on Saturday night? Me, I got Rae Lee to go with me, I reckon she's a babe".  
  
"I'm going to ask Scully to go with me".  
  
"I don't think so. Didn't you know? She and Richard have hooked up"  
  
"No, I didn't", Mulder replied.  
  
"Gee, sorry you had to hear it from me mate".  
  
"Well, seems you know more than I do", Mulder murmured as he left the room without his coffee.  
  
-------------------  
  
Friday 3:26pm  
  
The office was quiet. Both Mulder and Scully sat at their desks working in silence. Mulder didn't feel like talking, she had told him nothing about the child or Richard or anything for that matter. She had come into the office that morning said hello and asked how he was then that had been it.  
  
When lunch came around, Mulder had gone down to the shops, but she didn't go with him. This void between them had made him feel alone, a feeling he hadn't had for a long time. He went back to the office and again they had worked in silence. Twice the phone had rang, both for Mulder. The first was from Byres, saying that they'd gotten an invitation without need of his help. The second call had been from Mrs. Scully saying that at 4pm she'd call Dana on her phone and ask her to come over for tea.  
  
At exactly 4o'clock, the phone rang. "Hello", Scully said.  
  
"Dana, its mom".  
  
"Oh how are you, I've been meaning to call, I've been busy".  
  
"I know, you always are busy. I want you to come over for dinner, we can talk and it'll be like old times when Missy was alive. I lost her, and now I feel I am losing you".  
  
"I can't tonight mom, I have.other plans for dinner", Scully replied.  
  
"Can you come over afterwards, I want to talk to you".  
  
"It won't be until about 11pm, I don't want to keep you awake. Can't it wait?", Scully asked.  
  
"No, it's important. I will wait up for you. How about you cancel your dinner, come over early".  
  
"Mom I can't, this dinner is with.I'm meeting with an old friend, but if it's really that urgent I'll come over afterwards. What's so important that we need to talk about?".  
  
Mulder could hear the whole conversation, he knew she was going out with Richard tonight, and tomorrow night and most likely the night after that. The plan was, Scully would go visit her mother, then tomorrow morning Mrs. Scully would call him and let him know what was going on. What she didn't know was, Mulder already knew what she wanted to know.  
  
"I want to talk to you in person, not over the phone", Mrs. Scully replied.  
  
"Okay I'll be there at about eleven, see you then". She hung up the phone. "Mulder, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Shoot".  
  
"Have you been talking to my mother?"  
  
"What makes you think I've been talking to your mother?"  
  
"She wants to talk to me, you wouldn't happen to know what about would you?"  
  
"I went over there on Monday night, I went looking for you. You weren't there, you said you would be, but you weren't. I may have just expressed my worry about you lately".  
  
"Mulder, you don't have to worry about me. I'm a big girl now, I'm fine".  
  
"Damn it Scully, you're not! The last two weeks have been hell for me! You come in here and ignore me, when I speak to you, you treat me like shit. I think I deserve better than that, don't you?"  
  
"Don't you dare try to contradict me Mulder, don't you dare! Remember all those times you've treated me exactly the same, well now it's my turn. I'm old enough to live my own life, I don't need your permission to do things".  
  
"Who said anything about me giving you permission? Scully, you are the strongest, most independent woman I have ever met, you seriously think I'm trying to contradict you?"  
  
"I don't know Mulder, you're not the person I met five years ago, you've changed".  
  
"Yeah well I can say the same about you!" he cried. He was fuming, what the hell was happening between them? Why the hell were they arguing with each other? "Scully, all I'm asking for is a bit of honesty, that's all". He wanted to hold her, tell her everything would be fine, but that wasn't going to happen. With all these secrets being kept from him, he felt like an outsider, someone who's looking in from the out.  
  
"I don't need to confess to you, you're not my priest, you're not the keeper of my life!" she yelled. Scully stood up, grabbed her bag, and headed to the door.  
  
"Yeah, go on, run to Richard, run to him, he'll have you!" Mulder screamed at her. She stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
"How did you know about Richard? And why the fuck is it any of your business?" She was ready to kill him, he annoyed her so much, she wished he would just leave her alone.  
  
That comment took Mulder about ten steps back, Scully never swore, even when she was mad. "It's my business when I find out you want to resign from your job in order to take care of someone else's child. It's my business when I find out from someone in the coffee room that you are involved with some guy who runs an adoption agency. I have nothing against that, but like I said, I want some honesty. Were you going to just up and leave without telling me what was going on?"  
  
"I don't need to answer to you, I work with you, that's all. Some times it even surprises me why we are still friends", she left the office and slammed the door closed.  
  
Mulder fell to his seat, what went wrong between them? The world was in a spin, just going around and around and not stopping to let him off. He wished Scully would come back, but it was too late, he'd blown it.  
  
Scully Residence Friday 11:36pm  
  
The door opened and Margaret Scully appeared. She looked at her daughter who was standing on her doorstep, tears falling from her eyes. "Dana, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh mom, I've gotten myself into such a mess", she sobbed.  
  
"Come in, let's talk about this". She let her daughter in and closed the door; "you want a drink?"  
  
Scully shook her head, "not unless you're offering straight whisky".  
  
"I could, but the state you're in, I don't think that's a good idea". Her daughter wore a thigh length black evening dress. Her hair was up in a French roll and around her neck hung a string of pearls. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, "where have you been?"  
  
"I've been with Richard, I went to his place for tea".  
  
"Who's Richard?"  
  
"It's a long story, but I want to tell you". She sat down, "about three weeks ago I came across a number for an adopting agency, it was run by a Mr. Richard Wilson. Anyway, I put in an application but I was turned down because of my job at the FBI. I told Richard that if the only way to adopt was to quit my job, then I would. So on Wednesday and Thursday I looked after a little girl. In the past weeks, Richard and I have become very close; he's coming to the ball with me tomorrow night. So much has happened, and today it all blew up in my face".  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I had a big argument with Mulder in the office this afternoon, I know he's just caring for me, but I yelled and swore at him. The worst thing is, somehow he found out about Richard, which means he knows about the child I looked after. Tonight at dinner, I went to Richard's house and well, something happened".  
  
"You got so dressed up just to go to his place for dinner?" Margaret asked.  
  
"Yeah, it was a lovely meal, but then things began to happen. Mom, I've never felt this way before, it's a wonderful feeling, but inside I feel guilty, very guilty".  
  
"Dana, you're not making sense, what happened?"  
  
"After dinner we began to talk, just the usual stuff.but then, things seemed different. We began to kiss, suddenly I found myself holding him and."  
  
"I don't want the details, just tell me what happened".  
  
"Things went too far mom, that's what happened. We ended up in bed, but the awful thing was, instead of feeling like I was with Richard, I felt myself thinking about Mulder. And so there I was, lying in my lovers arms crying, me, a grown woman, crying in him arms". She sobbed, "I love Richard I don't want to hurt him, he's so nice, a gentleman, but every time I'm with him, I picture him as Mulder".  
  
"Oh, Dana", Margaret soothed as she hugged her daughter, "why didn't you tell me about all this? It would have saved a lot of people some hurt, maybe even prevented what happened tonight".  
  
"Mulder has been talking to you, hasn't he?"  
  
"Yes, he has, but only because he cares about you".  
  
"I know he wants me to go to the ball with him tomorrow night, but I'm going with Richard, what should I do?"  
  
"That's not up to me, that's your choice, but something may happen between now and then, things may change".  
  
"I don't want things to change, especially between me and Mulder. Before all this, I was happy, now everything has gone horribly wrong. You know what bugs me about all this, it's the fact that I may have found my Mr. Right, but I have this feeling that something will happen", she paused thinking for a moment. "I see Mulder as my best friend, and as my partner. It's funny, in the past so many people have thought of us as a couple, maybe that was my sign, maybe I missed it".  
  
"Have you told Richard about this?"  
  
She shook her head, "I can't. All through the adoption process, he kept saying 'you need to tell your partner' and I kept telling him that Mulder didn't count, it wasn't like he was my other half. Now I see that I'm only a whole with Mulder. If I were to tell Richard that I felt closer to Mulder than I let on, he might leave me, and mom, I've waited such a long time for this. I don't want it to pass me by".  
  
"You make it sound as though he proposed to you".  
  
Scully said nothing.  
  
"Oh he didn't, did he?"  
  
Her daughter nodded her head.  
  
"Dana how did this happen? You're in a muddle now. I don't know what to say, I have no idea what you can do, but can I offer you something?"  
  
"As long as you don't tell me how stupid I have been".  
  
"I'm not going to do that at all, I just want to make you think about this before it gets even more serious". Margaret watched her daughter nod her head, then continued. "I've know Fox for as along as you have. I have seen and heard about things you two have been through and I've never admitted this, but I have always preyed you and him would get together. He is such a nice man, kind and considerate. Now as for Richard, I can only go by what you have said, and I can only offer to you the saying 'fools rush in' and that's what I'm leaving it at".  
  
Scully sat in a daze; her mother wanted her to get with Mulder? All she could do was sit and stare at the wall.  
  
"I'll also say that we all look for Mr. Right and things that we've always wanted, but sometimes we don't know that what we wanted was right under or nose until it's too late".  
  
"So should I marry Richard, do you want me to get married?" Scully asked.  
  
"I know in the past you've come to me for advice, but this is something you have to work out for yourself, I can't choose for you, you're an adult now, welcome to the world of choice".  
  
D.C Receptions Saturday 7:53pm  
  
The media was all around. Cameras and film crew lined the entrance to get a glimpse of the FBI Agents dressed like fools. The night was clear and the temperature was warm. Pair after pair entered the ballroom, and upon entry, they were greeted with a wall of laughter. Everything from B1 and B2, Chewbacca and sleeping beauty came in, but A.D Skinner was greeted with the biggest roar of laughter for his outfit, Betty Boop. Wolf whistles rang out and the A.D had turned redder than the wine.  
  
Within an hour almost everyone had arrived, all in costume and all looking very embarrassed, and all but one person had arrived. Scully. Mulder was getting worried and soon Muir joined him, she was as well expressing her concern.  
  
"Agent Scully not here yet?" she pondered.  
  
"No, not yet". Muir appeared to be the most normal person there. She had come as peter pan, but she was at ease. She had nothing to worry about, she looked fine, unlike Mulder who was wearing a dress. "I'm a little worried about her, she was supposed to be coming with her boyfriend".  
  
"What? I thought she would come with you".  
  
"So did I", he replied.  
  
"Oh dear. Lately she hasn't been herself, do you know if she is okay?"  
  
Mulder thought back to the conversation he had shared this morning with her mother. She just mentioned about Scully and the adoption, and how Scully was feeling confused at the moment.  
  
Mrs. Scully had left out Richard's proposal to her daughter; there were some things only a mother should know.  
  
"She's going through a tough patch at the moment, got a few minor problems".  
  
"Oh I've got to be moving on, nice talking to you", Muir said as she wandered off.  
  
"Yeah, no problem, it's not like you listened anyway", he murmured. He knew she didn't mean to be so thoughtless, she was just stressed about the whole event, she was in charge. For two hours Mulder mingled with everyone he could. Not surprisingly he didn't find Agent Stone or Rae Lee, they were probably off elsewhere.  
  
At 10:13pm, Scully came walking into the ballroom, but nobody seemed to notice her. Mulder rushed over to the walking pink panther suit, "Scully where have you been?"  
  
Her voice faulted, "I don't wanna talk about it".  
  
Mulder took her hand, "come on, we're going outside. I want you to tell me, you've had me worried sick".  
  
"Mulder, no! I don't want to.I just want to forget about it, I'm fine", she whispered, but the broke down in tears. Mulder pulled her close in a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry Mulder, about everything, about it all".  
  
"Hush Scully, come outside, we'll sit and talk". She reluctantly followed him outside and around the back of the building to a small courtyard. He sat her down on the seat, then he sat next to her. "Take off your head, I can't see you, I never was a big fan of the pink panther".  
  
He watched her remove her headgear and saw that her eyes were red, she'd been crying for a long time. "What happened? Please, I want you to tell me".  
  
She looked at him, her eyes full of sadness. "I've been stupid, that's what I've been. I've been a downright fool. I took for granted what I had, I abused you Mulder, and I'm so sorry for that". She cried again.  
  
"Stop it, stop crying", he soothed, "what's this all about? Well I have a fair idea, but I want you to tell me".  
  
"I went to adopt a child, I put in an application almost three weeks ago. Wednesday and Thursday I had a child staying with me, I was going to quit the FBI if things worked out, but they didn't. I'm not a good mother Mulder, I totally suck".  
  
"I'm sure that's not true".  
  
"Well you go talk to the child's advisory parent, she'll confirm it for me, I'm no good. I suck, there's no chance of me adopting, not now, not ever".  
  
"Aw Scully, you're wrong. I bet you can be the coolest mom, beat the pants off 'em all".  
  
"No, I couldn't Mulder, because in order for me to be honest with a child, I have to learn to be honest with you, and with myself. If I can't take control of my life, I don't deserve to take care of another".  
  
"What do you mean? I don't get your point".  
  
"Mulder, the other day, yesterday when you confronted me, I acted like a spoilt child. All you wanted was honesty, and at the moment, I'm afraid honesty is going to hurt you".  
  
"I'm sorry about yesterday, I over reacted, and I shouldn't have stuck my nose where it doesn't belong. I'm also sorry about bringing up Richard, like I said, I stick my nose where it doesn't belong".  
  
"No, I'm the one that should be sorry. I should have come to you when I first started on this adoption thing, if I am ever to consider leaving work, the least I could do was tell you. It's just that I was dawning on something I've never had before, something I've never been allowed to have, I just wanted to do things my way. I wanted the child to be mine and in the process, I drove you away".  
  
"You didn't drive me away Scully."  
  
"Yes I did. I was feeling so alone; somehow I got the idea in my head that you would laugh at me, that you wouldn't care. That's where Richard comes into things", she paused for an answer but Mulder stayed silent. "He sort of took care of me, of my mental state of mind. We had dinner and lunch to discuss my adoption application, then things went from there. We saw more and more of each other, the closer he got to me, the further I pushed you. I was afraid that you'd get in the way, I've never had a secure relationship, I get careless, and I do stupid things. So when a guy comes along, I jump in without checking the depth, then I realise that I've gone too deep, I was in over my head".  
  
"You're not making any sense, why don't you just tell me what you want to say?"  
  
In the night of the air, she shivered, her eyes sparkled and her pink suit glowed. "Last night, I went to Richard's house for dinner, things got out of control, I did things I wish I didn't". She turned away from him, she felt so ashamed, and she felt like she had betrayed Mulder.  
  
"Hey, Scully, you're scaring me. It's sounding like you and him got down and dirty, and I'm sorry, but you just don't seem like that kind of person, not you and not so soon in a relationship".  
  
"Mulder we did".  
  
"Oh". He felt uncomfortable, "why are you telling me this? It's not really my business".  
  
"Because I want to tell you and because you asked. You wanted honesty, well while I'm at it I might as well tell you he wanted me to marry him".  
  
Those words went through him like a knife, straight through the heart and out the other side. In all these years, he thought he knew her but this, this wasn't like her. "I don't know what you want me to say, I know I shouldn't ask.but what did you say?"  
  
"I didn't say anything, I left, I went to see my mother. I called him this morning; he had already gone to work. Anyway, he came to pick me up tonight. I told him I couldn't marry him, there were complications. Then things went haywire, he yelled and I yelled and I cried and he cried then we yelled some more, then he left, no good-bye nothing. So I came here. I came here to see you".  
  
He was left speechless. All this underlying stuff, all these secrets, he had no idea that this was happening. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so much he wanted to know, but he only asked one thing. "Why did you say no to him?".  
  
"There are many reasons, but mainly because of you".  
  
"Me? What have I got to do with it?".  
  
"When I didn't show up for work this week, when you showed up at my apartment, when I turned you away.I saw that I hurt you. Keeping my secrets had hurt you. I couldn't live with myself, not if I married Richard without you knowing, not just about the wedding, but the child as well. It was his, he wanted me to be its mother".  
  
"You gave up a chance of normal life for me?". He was shocked.  
  
"I did". She looked back at him, tears streaked her face. "You're my best friend, all these years, you're still here. My relationship with you is a one in a million, I don't want to loose that".  
  
"Scully, you're amazing", he smiled as he hugged her. She put her arms around him, he was warm. He was her true friend, the one thing keeping her sane. When she pulled away, she finally took notice of what he was wearing.  
  
"Mulder, you're wearing a dress!", she cried.  
  
"Yeah, I know, it's not very comfortable, I hate it, it's too breezy".  
  
"Still, if they ever did Snow White and the Seven Lone Gunmen you'd be a good candidate to be Snow White, I think blue and yellow are your color", she mused.  
  
"Speaking of which, the Gunmen are inside, not only are they inside informants, great pals and weird dressers, they also are the local DJ's".  
  
"You're kidding?".  
  
"Nope, come on, I'll show you". He led her back inside. Sure enough, there they were, on stage with the sound equipment. They both spotted Muir walking up to Frohike, ask him something, saw him nod his head, then Muir walked away again.  
  
"Ah ladies, gentlemen and those in between. I've been asked to play a song. Now I don't know who for, but Boss Muir says that there have been some ups and downs in the past few weeks for a few of us, and she feels that things became real close to ending. I ask you all to find a partner and take to the floor, because this one is sure to heal it all", Frohike announced. He gave Byres a signal and a song started.  
  
Scully sighed, "damn her, I love this song, and somehow she found out".  
  
"I'd ask to dance, but tonight you're the guy, you gotta ask me", Mulder said sarcastically.  
  
"Oh, my pleasure". She turned, walked away, then walked back again. "Excuse me madam, would you care to dance with me?".  
  
Mulder laughed, "sure, that'd be great". Together they walked to the dance floor. The ballroom filled with the vocals of Trisha Yearwood, and together, Mulder and Scully danced close, listening to their song.  
  
"How do I, get through a night with out you, if I had to live with out you, what kind of life would that be. Oh and I, I need you in my arms need you to hold, you're my world, my heart, my soul. If you ever leave, baby you'll take away everything good in my life..mmmm..with out you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me. And I, baby I don't know what I would do, I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything real in my life."  
  
"And tell me now.How do I live with out you, I want to know, how do I breathe with out you, if you ever go. How do I ever, ever survive...how do I, how do I, oh how do I live..."  
  
An instrumental piece filled the room, and Mulder whispered to Scully, "I'm gonna have to thank Muir".  
  
"Not if I thank her first", She replied. "So what do you think of the song?".  
  
"If you ask me, it's a bad topic to sing on, but hey, I'm not complaining", he answered as he slowly spun on the spot with her, "in fact, I'd like to personally that Miss Yearwood".  
  
"Really?".  
  
"Yeah", he said as he kissed her lips, "I would".  
  
"If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything, need you with me. Baby cause you know that you're everything good in my life..And tell me now, How do I live with out you, I want to know. How do I breathe without you, if you ever go. How do I ever, ever survive...How do I, how do I, oh how do I live. How do I live..with out you baby..ohhhhhh.how do I live..."  
  
-----------------  
  
The End. 


End file.
